Sunday, July 24, 2005

Time for some humor

breed 'em and weep is my favorite new blog. Definitely the funniest right now. Check out all her recent posts, but if you only read one, try this: Jehovahlicious!

We’re in the kitchen. I am putting groceries away, Sophie’s happily munching on her chosen lunch: two slices of bologna and two slices of watermelon. All of a sudden, the dogs bolt for the front door, barking up a storm.

I peek from the kitchen to see what the fuss is about. My fears are confirmed: a stern, shirt-and-tie–wearing man and a well-groomed, determined-faced woman, standing on our porch, peering inside, assessing conversion prospects.

I try to shrink back into the safety of the kitchen. Too late—they’ve spotted me. Big smiles, big hopes. I am bespectacled fresh meat, possibly smart, but definitely a sinner. They’ve taken stock. There is no Jesus fish on our car, no half-shell bathtub Virgin Mary on the front lawn, no crucifix hanging from my neck. I am just what they are looking for.

I leave Sophie with her lunch and trudge to the door, preparing for the onslaught of Jehovahliciousness. The smiles get bigger.

I open the front door, then crack the screen door, allowing only six inches of preaching space. The dogs continue to make a commotion, woofing and shoving their muzzles through to get a whiff of the Holy Human Spam. If these people appeared in my inbox, I would delete them faster than Jerry Falwell can shout out an amen.

But they are on my porch, and they are hungry for my soul.

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Jenn said...

Wow! Thanks!

KC said...

No, thank you for finding me.

As a dad of two kids, I really connect with your humor and your warmth. (And I love that I caught wind of you via Abu Aardvark!)